10 years later 


I remember graduating high school June of 2007. I was sad because I had so many memories here. When my mom passed, I came to North Miami middle school where I met most of my friends that I have until this day. Some I met and became close with in 6, 7th or even 8th grade. It’s so crazy how life works because these are the people that saw me when I was broken down sad and we used to write letters to each other. Those were the good old days. Fast forward to high school, some went on to different schools but the ones that stayed, we made sooooo many memories. In the morning, everyone used to chill on the gate and during lunch it was always so much fun. We couldn’t wait for class to begin so we could go clown. There were many fights, disagreements amongst some other things along the way. But high school was high school. For me, it was my comfort zone. I looked forward to coming there everyday because In some way and in some form it was fun. It was a time to create memories, share stories, get to know each other and embrace those times. I could go on and on about the stories I remember, but it would be way too long for this blog lol. Fast forward, during our high school graduation I looked forward to this very day July 22, 2017. Speaking to everyone and seeing how everyone has grew up!
Honestly I was ecstatic to see everyone and I wasn’t even expecting to see some people.. EVERYONE looked the same and sooooooo beautiful. It brought back so many memories, so much joy to my heart and just good times that I’ll forever cherish. I wished the night never ended and I’m glad that everyone came together to make this a moment we will never forget. I’m so happy I attended, the glow up was real and everyone seems like they’re doing great. Of course we missed the ones that passed on
I pray for you all.

I pray that God continues to guide you

As they say, life happens and it’s only meant to be lived because we don’t know about tomorrow and yesterday has gone away.

Enjoy the moments

Cherish them

Continue to strive for GREATNESS.

Let NO-ONE or ANYTHING come between you and your HAPPINESS!

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Dear old me 


A couple days ago, one of our blog sisters asked us to write a letter to our old selves. It wasn’t hard for me at all, but it did make me cry. I’ve come to understand in order to understand yourself and move on from certain situations, you need to come to terms with life happening. We are all growing, learning and just living. We should want change, feelings should change and people do as well. And in that process of growth, things tend to fall apart. The things you pray for don’t come as you intended but in forms that we have to piece and puzzle together. In my 28 years of living, I’m finally getting that. I’m getting the hang of things, learning to understand how people and just how life in general work while also learning about myself. This letter is intended for my old self. I was once young, I’ve made a lot of mistakes that I thought I would never get over and some have made me who I am. And in the process of elimination and growing unfortunately everyone in your life will not agree but as long as you’re content, that’s all that pretty much matters. 

So I’m toasting to the new me & I hope that I don’t offend anyone in my journey. I hope you enjoy this letter as much as I did writing it. I also hope that you can sit back and reflect how you can probably learn from this. 

Dear old me, 

Thank you for allowing me to get older, more beautiful and wiser. Thank you for the trials and tribulations. Thank you letting me go through those things so it could help mold me into who I am today. I haven’t always been this way, it took some time, dedication, tears, hard work, determination and I am thankful. Looking back at all that I’ve been through, I would say I was dumb however I was naive. I was naive because I didn’t know better. Thank you for giving me the voice I thought I never had. Looking back I was always scared of what people would say about me. Of how others looked at me. Of what the world will portray me as and one day I realized that being who I am is amazing and I have to be that no matter what and that definitely meant not letting anyone play a factor in what I choose to do. The old me was afraid because of people and today if I choose to do something or not do something it’s all in how it makes me feel. I’m not in this world for people. The old me has died. I have become a new person and yes sometimes I come off harsh but most importantly it’s always out of love. The old me cared way too much about others especially their opinions. The new me still loves people and accepts things for what it is! The old me cared about who was beside me and whose rooting for me, the new me roots for myself. The old me was scared to fail, the new me is okay with failing because it gives me an opportunity to try again and do better. The old me looked for happiness in people, the new me finds happiness in being a mom and in myself. I’m proud of coming from where I’ve come from, watching how much I’ve grown, the conversations that I can sit back and reflect on. The new me started pouring my energy into my blogs to free my mind of baggage. The new me is finding peace. Finding love in the things I love to do. The old me wanted so badly to make everyone happy while I was dying inside. I was so sad and depressed. I’m still getting over it but it’s better these days. The old me didn’t know that it was okay not to be okay. The new me is okay with not being okay and shutting the world out to get myself together. The old me didn’t allow myself to love myself enough to give that energy out. I was looking for love, care and acceptance in all the wrong people. The new me knows that In order to be happy and content that I have to always choose me first. Some may call it selfish but after you’ve heard my story, you’d agree. The old me was a little girl looking for happiness in all the wrong places and it was actually inside of me. The new me accepts that people will hurt me and be disloyal and I’m able to walk away from any situation knowing that I’ve made this choice in hopes that it betters me. The old me is gone and some will never accept it. They won’t accept how cold i am to some situations and it’s not because I don’t care it’s just because I’ve learned it’s better for me this way. The old me was praying for guidance and to show me the way but didn’t realize that my prayers had been working all the while, just in his form. The new me is trying to be closer to God. The new me knows that God has been by me every step of the way and all I have to do is have faith and believe. The old me didn’t accept the fact that my mothers passing was meant to happen. The old me didn’t want to understand that life happened in a blink of an eye. The new me embraces those things, talks about them, writes about them and prays about them! 
The old me is gone. 

The old me has blossomed into an incredibly beautiful woman and ready to conquer the world. 

Dear mama 


Dear mama.

Truth is, I was mad for a really long time but honestly I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today had it not been for you

Because I never imagined living my life without you and I had to                                             I wanted to have kids so you could be a grandma I wanted you to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day

But I’ve learned that I’ve made it this far and I have you to thank for it

Every night after you left for the first year, I never slept peacefully

I cried myself to sleep and I was mad at God

I was mad at God because he took away the person that loved me most

At the time, I didn’t know you were prepping me for times like this                                         To be strong, to be independent, to be loving

To be a be a young woman first. To love and care for myself first. You left me with so much and I can’t thank you enough

Sometimes I lay in my bed and stare into space and picture us on those Saturdays hanging out and going to work with you

Thank you mommy for spending time with me for teaching me how to be strong               for teaching me to never give up

You did everything for us after our dad got sick and had to leave, you never complained

You definitely gave us tough love

Growing up, I had a lot of rough days

I had a lot of silent moments. I was hurt and confused. I wanted you here

I wanted to be with you

I just used to wonder how life would be like had you been here, I wonder how our relationship would be

I’d have my moments where I don’t know what’s next, not knowing how to feel

But Today

Today I am a great woman and mother because of what you instilled in me

I would sacrifice my life for my daughter the way you did for us

I will NEVER ever forget about everything we talked about

Watching you be the best mom you were, wishing to grow up to be just like you, your great cooking, your smile and Beautiful teeth with your long beautiful hair

You yelling at me to go clean up, Yelling at me to get down from the tree because I was a girl. Our big thanksgiving dinners at the house in North Miami Beach

The struggles you went through that i didn’t know about until you passed away

Some days I just want to call you and ask you for advice and some days I want to take you on a joy ride

Tell you about my day

Talk to you about how I’m feeling

Ask you to take out my hair

Even arguing would be suffice for me

I’ve experienced so much without you

And internally it saddens me

Things that you probably would’ve talked me out of. I know you would def wipe my tears for me

But because God had better plans, I have become a better person

They said sometimes you don’t know what you have until it’s gone and it’s oh so true

You would be so proud of me

I know you would have loved my daughter and probably raised her for me

But life happened and we can’t undo time

We can only move forward

I can only cherish the moments we had and take them everywhere I go

I will never forget the last time I saw you

Thank you for being my hero and giving me 11 years of greatness. I always saw great in you! Thank you for being my hero

For giving me the guidance that I needed to be the great woman that I am today
And for being the best you could have been to us

There’s no one that could ever take your place

Your legacy lives on forever in everything that I do and in everything that I am

Life is not certain 

I used to question God and why he took people away
Especially after my mother passed

I was devastated, heartbroken and most of all confused

A dream I didn’t want to wake up from
I would hope and pray for her to come back

I would wish that she come back to get me

Growing up
I had a lot of anger

A lot of pain

A lot of questions

Time has passed us by and life continuously seems to happen without a doubt

I’ve watched my closest friends lose their loved ones

I prayed for them because I know anything I say won’t help that pain
I know the feeling of losing someone dear to my heart
And no lie

death is the hardest thing to go through

I can’t even explain the feeling

Indescribable

That’s how much it just hurts

The thought of you not being able to see them physically

Be with them

You want to crawl under a rock
And

You feel lost

confused

Sad

Emotions are haywire; up and down

Why would this happen to the person you love so dearly?
Why did it happen this way?

Is there anything I could have done?

Am I supposed to live my life?

Am I allowed to be happy?

I thought as I got older It would get easier
The dealing part of it you know and just understanding

Almost 17 years in and I cry more for my mom now than I ever did

I wish sometimes I could call her

Tell her how much I love her and just hang out

I wish I could ask her for advice

I wish my daughter got a chance to meet her

I wish we could argue some days

I wish we could hug a couple more times

I’d give up everything just to see her again

But then I snap back to reality
I see how beautiful life is

How I birthed my own child

How she has given my life new meaning

How I am making out in the world better than I expected

Of course some days are harder than most but I am BLESSED beyond measures.

Some People don’t understand your grief
No one can say or do ANYTHING to replace those voids

Life was a big blur for me sometimes and sometimes still is

In the midst of all that life has to offer

 

So I’ve come to conclude
That despite it all

Despite not knowing what’s to come

Live your life to the fullest
Love beyond measures as they say

Give it your all

Create memories

Cherish the moments

we don’t get them back

Remember them so vividly that when it replays in your mind or you see a picture, you can plop yourself back to that moment
Life is short; It’s only as beautiful as you allow it to be because we don’t know the outcomes!
We only have one shot at it
Master your story

Create your story

Life is not certain

As the pastor reminded us at a recent funeral I attended; death is certain, life is not!